How to put a baby to sleep in 3 easy steps
Camille slept for six hours last night. I said six complete hours. I feel like my brain is actually on. If you’re interested in taking my course on sleep training, here are the top three tips from the first module. Like and subscribe for more.
Step 1: Pour 2 oz. of bourbon. Find a cocktail glass into which you can pour your finest, strongest whiskey. Myself? I prefer Woodford Reserve Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey. It’s so smooth with a hint of caramel sweetness. Imbibe. Settle in. This will be a journey. If you’re a father, pour 4 oz., one extra for each breast you don’t have, and for your sudden inability to soothe your child. Dad guilt is real.
Step 2: Remember her wake windows of 60 to 90 minutes. But also remember that it could be 10 or 120 minutes. Your child may even skip her next nap completely and stare at you, wide-eyed, like you stole something from a local 7-11 and she’s quietly blackmailing you. I will call the cops if you put me in that bassinet, she’s probably thinking.
Step 3: Track your steps. The surefire way to get a baby to sleep is to hold her and bounce her and walk approximately 2.4 miles around your living room or bedroom. Remember to put on good shoes, preferably Nike Free Runs or Hokas with the giant inflatable tire underneath them. If you’re wearing Bombas Gripper Slippers, you may develop some kind of twinge on the sides of your sole. But keep in mind that it’s no comparison to the damage to your spiritual soul when it’s 2:00 a.m. and your child acts as if she’s swallowed two cups of coffee.
Bonus tip! If you want your baby to wake up, which is absolutely essential for feedings and tummy time, put her in a bassinet. You know, the one you got for her to sleep in. It’s poorly marketed. That comfortable little device is actually for waking a baby. As soon as you put her down on it, she’ll spring to life like a tiny baby Jesus.
Photos by Jordyn Winkler
New parents, don’t sweat about putting your child to sleep. You can’t actually because all your sweat will have drained out when she’s wailing for some indefatigable reason. Best of luck to you.
